_{Benoit Malige}

Dear Overthinker,

You don’t just think—you spiral.

You spiral down into an abyss where every thought splits into a thousand more. Each one sharper, more unforgiving than the last.

You peel back the layers of your mind until there’s nothing left but the raw sting of doubt, the steady pain of unanswered questions.

When morning comes, it brings no relief.

The thoughts that haunted you in the darkness follow you into the light.

They hold on tightly to you, relentless, dragging you through the day like a shadow that never fades.

You can’t escape them. You can’t outrun them. They are always there, whispering, gnawing, consuming.

In the office, you draft that email, then re-read it, edit it, re-read it again.

You hover over “Send,” fingers twitching with the fear of saying too much—or too little.

Did you miss something?

What if they misinterpret your tone?

What if you’ve made a mistake?

Did you come across the way you intended?

Was your tone right?

In your relationships, every conversation replays in your head like broken records.

You scan every word, every gesture, looking for signs that you messed up. Even if everything seemed fine, the doubt lingers.

It always does.

Did you upset them?

Are they pulling away?

You fear the unknown, the uncontrollable.

Love, to you, is unpredictable—and that’s terrifying.

You worry that your overthinking will push them away. But how can you stop? You need to know. You need to understand. You need to be certain.

Social interactions are no different.

You don’t just listen—you scrutinize.

Every raised eyebrow, every glance, every smile becomes a piece of data to decode.

You notice the way they tilt their head, how they hold your gaze or break it. You measure the space between you, wondering if they leaned in just slightly—or pulled back.

You catch the tension in their shoulders, the flicker in their eyes, and wonder if it’s you.

You hear every shift in their voice, every hesitation, and it sends you spiraling.

Did their tone change?

Did you miss something?

Even after they’ve walked away, it continues. You dissect it all over again, obsessing over what you missed, what you said, how they might have judged you.

You fear the judgment they might pass when they replay the conversation in their mind—if they do at all.

Every social interaction feels like a test, one you’re constantly failing.

And the worst part? You know you’ll do it all over again tomorrow.

The script might change, but the worry stays the same.

Every decision is a gamble, every choice a potential catastrophe.

And at the heart of it all is control.

You overthink because you believe that if you think hard enough, you can control the outcome.

That you can prevent mistakes, avoid regret, shield yourself from pain.

But control is an illusion, and deep down, you know it.

Dear overthinker,

You are not broken.

You are not flawed.

You are simply someone who feels deeply, who cares profoundly, who wants to get it right.

Your mind is a marvel—a tool sharper than most, built to analyze, to anticipate.

This is your gift. Your ability to see beyond the surface is not your weakness; it is your power.

Learn to wield it like a Damascus blade, precise and deliberate, cutting through uncertainty with your thousand layers of complexity, until clarity is all that remains.

You are more than your thoughts. You are the master of them.

Sincerely,

Someone Who Knows

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Overthinking has always affected me deeply, and you and I are no different. On my recent trip to France, while visiting my grandma, I came across a stack of old family pictures. In every one of them, I noticed something that hit me hard.

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My eyes—they looked as if they were staring at life through a lens that drained the color from everything. It wasn’t joy or presence I saw; it was overthinking, stealing those moments from me.

Even in the joyful moments like the wedding this picture was taken at, I wasn’t really there. Overthinking had clouded my view, muted the colors of life, and kept me distant.

This realization is what sparked this newsletter.

I know I can’t stop overthinking entirely, but maybe I can learn to change that lens.

Research suggests that 73% of 25-35-year-olds overthink, so here’s my attempt to solve it, in hopes that it gives you some tools as well.

Let’s dive in.

First of all, you have to recognize that it’s a superpower. You are probably an incredible problem solver, and you should feel proud of that.

Solving problems is easy, it comes naturally to you. You are so good at it, in fact, that your mind automatically looks for them everywhere.

But the issue is not that you solve problems..

The issue arises when you want to solve problems that do not need fixing. And that’s most probably more than 90% of the problems you face in your life.

There are two immediate solutions that come to mind:

1. Being deliberate about the battles you pick to fight.
2. Being ok with not being ok (i.e. accepting to not have control over the outcome).

The root of the problem stems from wanting control over.. well.. absolutely everything. 🫠

And everything includes other people. Sure, you can influence them, but you can’t control them. It also includes the future, and the same limitations apply here.

So how do we relinquish control? First, we need to establish what can be let go of.

So I did some research on the brain’s process for overthinking. Here’s what I found out: There are 4 main protagonists at play.

• Dopamine
• Adrenaline
• Serotonin
• Cortisol

The interplay between these and other brain chemicals creates the death cycle that you and I face about 250 times per day.

The Overthinking Cycle

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1. Dopamine initiates problem-solving thoughts

Dopamine is associated with motivation, reward, and problem-solving. In this context,

• It initiates thought loops by promoting the notion of problem-solving
• It motivates the brain to continue analyzing a situation in an attempt to find a solution

2. Adrenaline provides energy to fuel the thinking process.

Adrenaline plays a role in the fight-or-flight response and sharpens focus. In the context of overthinking:

• Adrenaline is released when a situation is perceived as threatening or urgent.
• It heightens alertness and provides a burst of energy, pushing the brain to stay engaged in the thought process.
• This heightened state can make it harder to disengage from overthinking, as the brain is constantly scanning for more information or threats.

3. Serotonin regulates mood while considering new options.

Serotonin is key in regulating mood and emotional stability. During overthinking:

• Serotonin helps keep the emotional responses in check as the brain cycles through different thoughts and possible outcomes.
• It provides a balancing effect, maintaining a sense of calm while the brain analyzes options.
• If serotonin levels drop, this leads to mood imbalances and make the overthinking more emotionally draining, contributing to feelings of anxiety.

4. When no solution is found, serotonin is blocked and cortisol is released.

When thought loops are unproductive:

• The lack of resolution causes a drop in serotonin, which reduces the mood regulation.
• When serotonin levels decrease, the body releases cortisol, which triggers a stress response.
• Cortisol ramps up stress in both your body and mind, making you more vulnerable to anxiety and mental exhaustion.
• This increase in stress fuels further unhealthy rumination, perpetuating the cycle of overthinking.

The cycle feeds on itself—once cortisol kicks in, your brain keeps looping through the same unproductive thoughts, locking you in a spiral of worry.

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How do we prevent this?

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Well, understanding the neurochemistry of overthinking can actually help us develop strategies to manage it.

• Recognizing when cortisol levels are rising: You know, that familiar tightness in your chest or racing thoughts. When that kicks in, it’s time to take a breath (literally) and try to bring those stress levels down.
• Finding healthy ways to get a dopamine hit: Instead of scrolling through social media or binge-watching something, we can focus on productive problem-solving that actually gives us a dopamine boost and helps us move forward.
• Engaging the Direct Experience Network (DEN): This is where mindfulness comes in. More on this in a second..

By addressing these neurochemical processes, we can actually start using our overthinking superpowers for good while minimizing its negative impacts on our wellbeing.

Overthinking basically breaks down into two flavors: either you’re obsessing over the past (why did I say that in the meeting?) or stressing about the future (will my email come off as weird?).

And here’s where two brain networks come into play—the Default Mode Network (DMN) and the Direct Experience Network (DEN).

• The Default Mode Network (DMN) is that annoying part of the brain that loves to drag you back into past conversations or make you over-analyze your future plans while you’re just trying to brush your teeth.
• The Direct Experience Network (DEN), on the other hand, is what kicks in when you're fully immersed in the present. You know, like during a deep conversation with a friend, or when you're immersed in a creative activity like painting or playing music.

So, how do you get out of the DMN and into the DEN? Well, the way I see it, there are two things we need to work on:

1. Practice mindfulness – The first step is to stop the mental daydreaming and bring yourself back to the present moment.
2. Manage cortisol levels – Stress is the number one driver of this whole overthinking cycle. By keeping cortisol levels in check, you'll prevent the brain from spiraling into the DMN and help it stay more balanced in the DEN.

So now that we know the science behind it, what can we actually do about it?

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Be Present

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I’m not an expert (clearly, since I’m still figuring this out myself), but here are some things I’m trying to help me stay more present:

• Practice mindfulness: Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re thinking—mindfulness again? But hey, it actually works. And I know it’s particularly hard as an overthinker. Starting with guided meditations is probably the safest bet.
• Breathing techniques: I’ve been playing around with a couple of these. One is the 4-7-8 technique (I use this randomly throughout the day), and the other is the Wim Hof method (this one requires more time, I do this in the morning and at night before sleep).
• Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR): So, I found this online program that’s an 8-week thing, and I’m going to give it a go. It was created by Jon Kabat-Zinn, and it’s designed to help with staying present. I’ll let you know if it works. Here’s the link if you want to try it with me. This version is completely free.
• Social connections and laughter: Look, I’m kind of a lone wolf, so this one’s hard for me. But I’m making an effort to get out more and hang with people. Apparently, laughing with others really helps pull you out of your head and back into the moment.

Who knew?

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• Working out: This one is obvious but important, and also the one I’ve been most consistent with for the past couple of years. The thinking is simple: your mind has to focus on your body’s movement. No fancy tricks here. Bonus points if you push to failure. Why? Because it’s one of those rare moments where you finally take power over your mind and tell it who’s really in charge. It’s liberating, it’s hard, and it’s incredibly gratifying.

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Harnessing the Power of Overthinking

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So how do we actually turn overthinking into something useful?

Here’s my biggest realization:

Overthinking is really just deep thinking without direction.

The trick is to channel that mental energy toward solving problems that matter. Instead of letting your mind run wild on hypothetical scenarios or past mistakes, give it a challenge that benefits you.

For example, writing has been a huge help for me. When I find myself spiraling, I sit down and pour those thoughts onto paper (or a screen).

By giving my brain a structured outlet, I can turn that flood of thoughts into something productive. Whether it’s journaling, brainstorming ideas, or working on a creative project, writing helps give my overthinking direction.

Here are a few other ways to channel it:

• Creative projects: Got an idea in the back of your mind? Dive into it. Whether it's art, music, or even building something, creativity demands focus and can pull you out of the mental loop.
• Strategic planning: If you’re constantly analyzing, use that power to plan your next steps—whether it's for work, a side project, or a personal goal. Direct your thoughts into crafting actionable plans.
• Personal growth: Take that extra time your brain spends thinking and invest it in learning something new. Whether it’s reading a book or taking a course, overthinking can be your brain’s way of searching for progress.

Next time you catch yourself spiraling, ask: What’s a challenge I can apply this thinking power to?

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When overthinking has a purpose, it stops being a burden and becomes a superpower.

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Final Thoughts

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Did I solve all my problems by researching and writing this? Nope, not even close.

But knowing what’s actually happening in the brain gives me a little more control, and that’s something. It reminds me that overthinking isn’t just some random flaw—it’s something that can be harnessed.

Just like you didn’t become an overthinker overnight, learning to manage it won’t happen overnight either.

It’s going to take patience, practice, and consistency.

Your mind is vast, and within that complexity lies your strength. It’s not about silencing the thoughts, but learning to dance with them.

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